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Dream Obstacles

I had eyelid surgery recently. The doctor said I had droopy eyes and it was affecting my peripheral vision. The day of the surgery I had to put ice packs tied over my eyes for about 5 minutes or so every 30 to 60 minutes. Needless to say this was quite annoying. Over the next twelve hours I had to constantly stop whatever I was doing and intentionally block out all sight. I could hear, but not see.

A slightly sexy, yet annoying voice [not sure how she does that] commented, “That must have been restful.” Willow strolled in as I was sitting down at the computer. She had on a green dress today instead of her standard jeans.

“Where are you going so dressed up?” She rarely dolled up like this. “And no it was not restful.”

“No where. I just wanted to feel good and getting dressed up does that for me.” She almost flopped down into her leather chair, but at the last moment she pulled at the edges of her dress and sat gently with hands in her lap. “Why wasn’t it restful?”

She did look nice all dressed up, but this is where I question if she is really my Muse or not. A pair of shorts, a t-shirt, and going barefoot suits me just fine. Though my wife tells me I clean up pretty well. “It wasn’t restful because every time I put on the ice pack I had to just sit there.”

She frowned and her eyebrows narrowed. “I don’t understand. Why not take the time to just relax.”

“Because I couldn’t.” I wasn’t sure how to explain it to her. “Every time I had to sit, the world dark around me, with the sounds of the world surrounding me, it made me anxious.”

“Anxious?”

“Maybe that was not the right word.” I knew the correct word. “It frightened me.”

She sat back her arms crossed, the frown still present. “That makes no sense.”

I stumbled for what to say. “It would have been different if I just decided to close my eyes because I was tired or something like that, but when I was forced to close my eyes it felt… it felt as if I was closing out the world. I kept thinking, what if this was permanent. What if I closed my eyes and the fading light was the last I ever saw.”

Willow’s frown deepened. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know.” I didn’t know why, but it was coming to me. “I know it wasn’t really anything, but my writer’s mind took flight and I wondered, sitting there in the dark, what if I couldn’t read a book, or even worse, write. And let’s not forget TV and movies.”

“There are always audio books and software like dragon that let you talk and the computer transcribes what you say.” She leaned forward with elbows on knees and her head resting in her hands. The sarcasm was missing; which I greatly appreciated it since it was so rare.

I sat back this time with a sigh. “I know. But I like to listen to music while I read and you know the way I think when I write. Can you imagine me talking to the computer. I would need someone 24 hours a day to just try and correct what the computer captured of my blather.”

“Yeah, you definitely are not a linear thinker.” She curled her lips. “Are you truly worried about losing your sight?”

“Actually no.” I tried to force a smile. “I really don’t worry about physical things like that. I have pretty much a simplistic view of these type of things. It is what it is. If something happens, it happens, and you just move on.”

“Then what is the problem?” Interesting that she could go from frowning, to concerned, to joking, to irritated in a matter of moments.

“I have waited over forty years to become a writer and the dream, the thing I have wanted most of my life, could disappear in an instant. Like the ice pack going on my eyes and never coming off. The dream could be gone.” The sighs became deeper.

She shook her head with a scowl. “You would be the first person to lose a dream.”

“That’s silly.” Now she was just saying stuff.

“That’s right.” Her smirk had returned. “That’s silly.”

I hated it when she helped me to see things. Well not really, but it was hard to swallow at times. “I know it is silly to think that way.”

“It is because your dream would not come to an end.” She laid back in the chair, throwing the dress up over her legs as an afterthought. “If you truly want to write, to publish novels, you will find a way to do it regardless of the obstacles. You stories are not about what you can see or hear. It is about what you can imagine. What you bring from YOU into the story. ”

I quit sighing and thought about what she had said. It was true. If it was important enough to me, I would find a way to make it happen. I could feel a smile rising. Then I thought. Bring on the ice packs.

I know I am not alone, but have any of you had something you really wanted, but had to overcome pretty big obstacles to achieve it? Please share. It could make me, and others, feel better.

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